Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
