Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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