I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
