Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
