i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
