Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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