it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
