should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
