Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
