I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
