The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
