just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
