When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
