I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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