If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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