Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you traded sex for a burrito?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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