why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
