im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize