This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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