there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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