He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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