he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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