I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
