just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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