My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
