Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
