I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
