her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
