you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
