Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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