how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
