I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
