Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
