I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
