how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
