There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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