I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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