the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
