Umm I'm too high to move.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize