I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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