a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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