In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
