i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
