I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize