It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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