i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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