My pussy is not your playground.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
