I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
