I've blown a few things in my day
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
