last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
