i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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