So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
