I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
