i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
