I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
