what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
