she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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