hotel room ftw
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
