Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he fucked my hip out of place.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
