I feel great
I just peed on a car
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
